How To Make Real Friends: Quality > Quantity
There is nothing wrong with accepting new friends. Sometimes you NEED new friends, but you’re so comfortable in the history you’ve built with these close friends that you fail to realize how much you’ve outgrown them. They can be grade school friends, family friends, old neighbor friends, friends turned exes, college friends, ex-coworkers, and the list can go on.
We tend to latch onto the things that make us feel easy, things that remind us of home or even who we use to be. Certain people are in our lives as convenient reminders of lifestyles that we use to live and people we once were. But as we grow older, we search more for our purpose, our interests become refined, and we internally grow (well, that’s what we should be doing). So like a snake, you should be shedding your skin seasonally. That saying, “Some people come into your life for a season,” is so much truer than you’d like to believe.
Take inventory of your friends every season because every second you grow, especially as an adult when life comes at you full force. We are no longer at that age where we stop talking to someone because of frivolous things like ‘you never gave me back my video game.’ We’re now at an age where you should be keeping mental note of who has and who hasn’t been there for you during strenuous times like when you lost your job, when you lost a loved one, when your financial situation wasn’t at its best, when you were depressed, when you needed support for your business/hustle, etc. My point is - whoever isn’t there for you during a time that was difficult yet important to you then it’s time for you to search for new friends.
Let me remind you: IT’S NEVER TOO LATE and YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD.
Step 1: Evaluate your current set of friends. As fucked up as that sounds, it’s true. Decide if a person has always had your best interest at heart and has helped you progress (going to the gym, trying new things with you, checking on your well being, etc.). Or if this person has only taken from you never giving you anything and constantly draining your energy when your around them. Think about the conversations you have with these people. Are they ever of substance? Do they provoke growth? Are they challenging you to do better and be better? DO INVENTORY. It’s tough, but you have to clean out the baggage to make room for all the future blessings that come with personal progress.
Step 2: Step outside your comfort zone. If you say you like to dance, but you’ve never danced or haven’t in a while, book a class for yourself. New, good, and true friends will come your way when you put yourself in spaces that you genuinely want to be in - places that fill that new self void you get when you finding purpose. Go to art galleries, take business classes, attend vocal classes, etc. Basically, put yourself in places where you want to be and you’ll attract the people who align with the new you.
Fact: There is such thing as a platonic relationship. They do exist people. Communication and Respect are key. As both a man and a woman, you should know your place as a FRIEND. Remove gender from the equation. It’s really beneficial to have a friend of the opposite sex: It gives you perspective.
Being a good friend takes al ot of dedication and maintenance. But obviously, it all pays off.
To be a good friend you should have the basics: Empathic, Selfless, Team Player, Trustworthy, Positive, Forgiving. With that comes maintaining the friendship. Make the effort to reach out. That’s super important to let your friends know you’re thinking about them. Set aside time to call them or hang out (whether that’s once a week or once a year). Reconnecting is refreshing and improves your overall outlook on life. When your together, treat it like a date. PUT YOUR PHONES AWAY. BASK in the moment with your peoples. Get lost in the moment with each other. The outside world can be so distracting. And you all came together to get away from it. Just BASK.
All I’m saying is don’t be afraid to let shit go. If you’re looking to have genuine friends who are gonna ride with you always, then you’re gonna have to put in some work. It’ll be challenging, but definitely exhilarating. Believe it or not, you learn alot about yourself when you’re on a mission to meet the people you want to meet. You’d be surprised. I’m telling you from personal experience. But like I said, you’ll have quality friends who grow with you and always ridin by your side. Go listen to Bey’s song “Friends” - that’s that shit we all need to be. And I’ma drop the mic here. Good luck on your journey.